When I started this blog, I promised myself I would only post something when I was inspired. Since it’s been nearly a month between posts, one can assume there hasn’t been much inspiration floating around. In a certain sense, it’s true. I haven’t really gotten into the holiday spirit, and the weather has been crap. Call it Seasonal Affective Disorder or just a case of not wanting to face another cold, dark, smoggy winter.
Now that 2014 is upon us, I decided it is time for an attitude adjustment. What better way than to make some resolutions for the year? My resolutions for 2013 were easy: I didn’t make any. Why promise to make a bunch of changes that will never happen? It’s like voting Democrat in Utah. Your intentions are in the right place, but you’d be better off writing in Howard Stern for governor.
In the spirit of change, I decided this year to jump on the bandwagon and make some resolutions that I am confident I can keep. We’re not talking grand endeavors that I’ll regret not reaching by December 31. No pledges to get six-pack abs or win the Nobel Peace Prize. These are real, meaningful resolutions I aim to keep in the coming year.
Resolution #1
Accept that my daughter will need to be taught – and therefore I’ll have to learn – the difference between a gerund and infinitive in order for her to move from the 8th grade into high school.
Resolution #2
Drink a bit less (with “bit” to be determined at a later date – probably some time in December). Make goal despite Resolution #1.
Resolution #3
Leave at least four squares of toilet paper on the roll for my wife.
Resolution #4
Stop using the words “Whatever,” “Dude,” and “Really?” except in appropriate sentences. Learn swear words in other languages instead.
Resolution #5
Get used to chewing the Utah air every winter.
Resolution #6
Fall off fewer than 50 times during three laps on Mario Kart’s Rainbow Road.
Resolution #7
Secure Metallica, Shinedown, Stone Sour, Dream Theater, and Iron Maiden as PR clients. Had to throw that one in…you never know!
Resolution #8
Make a choice: Either cut my hair short or grow it out, but end the terror of comb overs and widow’s peaks.
Resolution #9
Learn to accept that despite all the combing, sweeping, and vacuuming, we will have pet hair carpeted floors that roll like amber waves of grain when the heat comes on.
Resolution #10
Love myself for who I am. Love my wife for being the most beautiful, caring, tolerant person in the world. Love my daughter for being the most beautiful, smart, sassy kid on the planet.
I’ll be keeping that last one.
Dave in the Life 